LOVING YOURSELF

Nothing bothers me more than knowing I've grown up in a country the demonises a person for loving themselves. If I like my hair one day or my contour is good, hell, if I just think I look good and I tell people, I'm big-headed, self centred, love myself, have my head up my ass. No. I'm happy with myself, I've woken up and given myself credit for something. There is nothing wrong with that.

I started going to the gym everyday when I was 16. I'd march to school with my 4 kilo gym bag, haul it round the corridor then mosey on over to the gym, spend 40 minutes on the treadmill or cross trainer, burning 400 calories which was probably double the calories I'd eaten that day. Spend 15 minutes doing weights and 15 minutes working on my core then go to the sauna for 20 minutes before showering and walking home to the only meal I'd eat that day. I weighed about 10 stone 4 lbs and it was always my goal to weigh 10 stone, at one point I wanted to weigh 9.11, just so I was in the 9 stone bracket. It was a numbers game. I had the 10 stone goal up until one month ago when I weighed 11 stone 3 lbs. All my clothes fit me again but I looked awful naked, I was out of proportion and I was always thinking, just that extra bit off and I would look better. No matter how much I lost, I didn't feel like I looker better. I stopped going to the gym and ate what I wanted. I went up to 12.5, that figure made me angry at myself but, I looked better naked, I fit into less of my clothes but I felt better about myself. I removed the pressure of always having to go to the gym and I let myself look in the mirror and be happy. I'm so much happier knowing I can have muffin or some bread and I care so much less about what I look like. I still have moments when I want to look like Khloe Kardashian but that's so much healthier than wanting be be under weight.

A year ago, someone advised me to go home, look in the mirror, really look and see what you thought. I was really hard on myself and I cried really hard. I sat there for an hour and cried and hated on myself and then I decided, I was going to be the person to big myself up and love myself. In fact, I would guarantee it. Loving yourself is okay. Not being obsessed with weight is okay. It's good.